This is your brain on law school

"I hate babysitting drunks."

This was a text message I received at 11pm the other night from my friend David. Granted, I was a bit tired, but honestly, this was my first thought: You are a horrible babysitter.

And lest you think this is an aberration, I had the following conversation with my father about Evan's parents moving into the building next door to his:

Dad: Oh! That's like "Everybody Loves Raven"
Me: Really?
Dad: You've never seen it?
Me: Well, I've seen some episodes but I don't remember the parents living next door.
Dad: You should watch it, it's funny. The parents come over all the time and it drives the lady nuts.
Me: Oh, you know that sounds a lot like "Everbody Loves Raymond"...OH!!
Dad: What did you think I said?
Me: "Everybody Loves Raven", and I was like, she's 14 and she has in-laws?!

2 days later I realized that the name of the show is actually "That's So Raven". I thought my dad was watching a Disney show about a 14 year old with psychic abilities and in-laws that live across the street.

This is it.

As most of you know, I am totally freaking out about starting law school. It is all very scary. As if the bill wasn't bad enough (who knew they could send something so obscene through the mail?), I just spent $623.68 on books. For the first semester. Several of which are used. And this is the price after I painstakingly searched the internet for cheaper books. This combined with a 20 hour workweek maximum that might even prove too many hours are causing me to hemorrhage cash.

That being said, after spending over $500 on books and taking out a loan for $17,000 (which I really hope will be approved), I'm in this law school venture for the long haul. Because if I were to drop out, or get bad grades, etc., I have NO WAY to pay back the money I owe, and no other career interests. None. No desire to get a Masters, or a PhD., and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to pay back the money I know in the time it takes to study for entrance exams and apply to schools.

So lets hope that I am cut out for this career path, because this has to be it.

On the bright side, now that all my books are purchased, I'm starting to be slightly less nervous and a little more optimistic. I mean, like, a teensy bit more optimistic, not a lot.

Wish me luck!

Taxation Without Representation/ Baseball/ Crabcakes

...In other words, I went to Baltimore and then D.C. on Wednesday with Evan. I know it's totally unforgivable, but this was my very first trip to D.C.!! Evan had the week off from work, and since he is totally crazy, decided to go to Baltimore to watch the Mets play the Orioles. Clearly, that part was not enticing enough for me to spend the $57 on the south-bound train ride (I get seriously bus sick). However, the idea of boyfriend (or 'boo', as certain people just can't call a spade a spade) and mini-break and monuments did.

I arrived in Baltimore at like 9:30pm, and headed to the hotel bar for food. Crabcakes, to be exact because a) it's Maryland!! and, b) my hormones are completely out of control for some reason and I get really strong cravings for things I never liked before which is ruining my vegetarianism and causing me to cry at movies like 'Up'. I think it's aging. Anyways, I had the crabcakes, which were good but the french fries were even better.

The next day, we drove to D.C., listening to COUNTRY MUSIC the entire way. Now, those of you who know me know that country music is not my favorite genre. It conjures up images of dogs sleeping under decaying porches, confederate-flagged pick-up trucks, and all sorts of things that I'd rather not think about. Also, it is generally stupid. Of course, not all of country music is bad; some of it is actually quite good, and I hate to write off a whole musical genre because of a few tacky and obnoxious bad apples. However, if I ever hear Toby Keith again, I can guarantee violence. Taylor Swift I actually kind of like, and I have a soft spot for Miley Cyrus (I think because both of them remind me of Kiley, who so very much loves her Disney stars). To be even more geeky, I totally love the Dixie Chicks. Anyways, when we got to Pennsylvania Avenue, I was very much relieved to be out of the car. I was even more relieved when I spotted a Starbucks, as coffee time had yet to begin that morning.

We saw a few things, the Arlington National Cemetery, the Washington Monument, the White House from very far away, but a torrential downpour stole my tourist-y thunder, so we had to head back to Baltimore for the game. We still had a great time though- we'll probably go back when we have more time off. And so, Evan went to the game that night, and in his infinite mercy, dropped me off at a huge and fantastic MD mall!!

All in all, it was a successful trip for all (except my wallet). I even got post-its with Obama's face on them that say "I'm Obama and I approve this message", which I will put all of my very important memos on (if I ever have any), and a little book of fun-facts about the Constitution, for future dinner-party conversations (if I ever get around to making friends who do dinner parties and learning to make anything besides coffee).

Yay! Anways, I love and miss you all (you know who you are!)

Back By Popular Demand (um.... not really)

I know, I know, the world has waited for my much belated blog posting to resume, but I've been very busy telemarketing, hostessing, eating my weight in Chipotle and watching baseball with Evan (or reading chick lit and eating Oreos while Evan watches baseball).

For those of you not in the know, Evan is the Person I am Dating Exclusively (a.k.a. PIDE, thanks to Lauren's knack for acronyms). Thus far, he is a very excellent PIDE (courtesy of eHarmony). We spend a decent amount of time together, considering my ridiculous work schedule and the insistence of the all-powerful baseball lobby to have 8 gazillion baseball games played every single night that Evan needs to watch for work (he's in sports radio). He went with me on the Fordham Senior Cruise (dubbed the "Booze Cruise" for its infamous open bar policy), which was a lot of fun. But nothing is perfect. We have encountered several issues, in the 3+ months we've been dating. Because I love you all, I will share them with you:

1) His cat hates me!
She really, really hates me. And you all know the extent of the fanatical devotion that is my love for cats. I look at her lovingly, I try to pet her, I brought her a ribbon to play with... and nothing. Sometimes, Evan will try to make her sit with me; you've never seen such fear in an animal's eyes.

2) He constantly beats me at Scrabble. WTF??

3) He loves Chipotle, which I do as well. However, this has become an expensive habit, because I usually go to visit him after work, and bring it with me as there are 2 Chipotles by work and none in Long Island City (where he lives), and it's weird to be all like, "um...please reimburse me for your burrito?"

4) He refuses to call me his girlfriend. He will, however, refer to me as his "female friend" (I kid you not) when introducing me to random dudes at CitiField, or "girl-he-is-seeing" to others. I don't really know what to make of that, other than chalking it up to typical male commitment-phobia.


But not to be one of those gals who rattles on about their PIDEs, I am switching subjects.

First and foremost, I miss the goth girls very very much and have decided that life would be infintely better if we all lived closer together and could eat Holy Cow everyday without having to move back to Red Hook. Who's with me?
Second, I am accompanying my mother to a teacher's conference in Vegas in July, which means sequins!! And lots and lots of picture of sequined outfits and tackiness will be coming to a blog posting near you! Evan has chivalrously offered to accompany me to Sin City, so that less sin shall be had and I don't end up accidentally marrying someone who looked a lot better the day before (although it might be worth it for the story...just kidding!).
Third, I start Law School at the end of August and am starting to freak out about the scary workload and lack of money and social life that will accompany it. Anyone come into a large sum of money that they can bestow upon me so that I don't have to suffer the indignity of 8:30am Contracts class? Anyone?

Anyways, I hope that all of you are well, and that I miss you all soooooo very much!!

The Ephemeral February

Although the shortest month of the year, February has been full of surprises, some delightful, others not-so-much.

In the not-so-much category, it is f***ing cold out in NYC. And it tricks you, because some days it's so warm out you're like, "screw Punxutawney Phil, what does he know?" Spring is here early, and I should be able to skip about in this dress that I am obsessed with, (but will never, ever be able to afford) a quasi-wedding gown from Dolce and Gabbana that couldn't be a more quintessentially spring-time dress:



And that you can finally take your spring coat to the dry cleaners, because it's covered in cat hair, so that you can then wear it while frolicking, or whatever spring-like mode of transportation you fancy. Meanwhile, your winter coat can go to the dry cleaners as well, because it is covered in pizza stains (if you're me), without hypothermia being the result. But NO. February insists on keeping us in the dead of winter, despite a few spring teasers. It's just obnoxious.

And so, that rant brings me to the half-full side of the glass (um, the glass that is February?). I went on a really great date the other night with a really great guy, whom I met on eHarmony (please don't mock me- I'm only subscribing for 1 month). I have to backtrack though, with why I went on the site in the first place. As my previous posts show, I have been rather unlucky in love as of late, and though I am young, I am a fundamentally lazy person who is sick and tired of dating men who are: a) emotionally unavailable b) serious game players c) completely and utterly not right for me. And being the sucker for marketing that I am, those eHarmony commercials inspired hope in this cynical gal's heart. So, I filled out the very long questionnaire and hoped for the best. After going through the "Open Communication" process and exchanging several emails, a match and I had our first date the other night. And it was fantastic! So fantastic, in fact, that we are having a second date. Therefore, this was a lovely surprise towards the end of this dreary month.

In addition, I recently got a job as... a telemarketer. Which is a blessing and a curse, as I needed the job and am happy to have it, but am still a telemarketer. I might also become a mime, so that the French can hate me too. That being said, in this economy, I've decided to place this career opportunity into the delightful turn of events column for the month. Besides, the people I work with are quite nice.

For the not-so-great side, it's tax-time for the early birds among us. So thrilled was I to receive a large income tax refund check from the Feds, I forgot all about the wallet-zapping powers of the NYS Department of Taxation and Finance. Oh yes, my refund check plus $20 is on its way into the State coffers (but not until the very last minute: take that!).

To sum up, February has been full of fleeting pleasures: intermittent warm days, NY Fashion Week, a first date, the too-brief joy of a tax refund. But thus far, weighing everything, February has been teaching me "to see what's beautiful, in things that are ephemeral" (which I totally stole from a She and Him song).

Possibly the best headline ever, for so many reasons....

Obama Woos GOP With Attention, and Cookies

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/05/us/politics/04web-zeleny.html?em

Being the naturally lazy person that I am, I attempt to be all worldly and read the serious news articles in the New York Times but end up reading the catchy-titled ones in the "Most Popular" box. Now, anyone who knows me knows that it is with cookies (and tasty baked goods in general) that my attention is caught. So naturally, I view Obama's attempt at bi-partisan harmony as nothing short of genius.

According to the aforementioned article, Obama has been inviting Congress members to the White House for mini-soirees and a Superbowl party. He has personally served guests freshly-baked cookies. Awesome!

Also, they are oatmeal raisin cookies. Tasty + Fiber= success, in my humble opinion, with even the most difficult people [insert obligatory constipation joke here]. Politicians are no exception.

But seriously, according to the article:
"Since the inauguration, one of the hottest tickets in town has been an invitation to the White House. And Republicans have been scoring them nearly as often as Democrats."
Bonus: This not being America and not the new-old Putin Russia, GOP pols needn't worry about finding strychnine in their ovaltine.

Why does this matter? Because we're in a global recession, we're fighting 2 wars, and millions of people are angry and unemployed. The last thing we need is the same-old partisan politics-as- usual. Although the inauguration was a pretty flashy, black-tie affair, oatmeal raisin cookies and Superbowl parties are hardly the stuff of the luxurious White House gatherings of yore. Regardless of what anyone thinks about the President, it seems as if his "back-to-basics" attempt at comraderie is suited not only to a new kind of politics, but to a world in which extravagance is no longer affordable (or appropriate).

Job hunting in the '09

So, I know that I am hardly the only one on the job hunt these days. My father was unemployed for two months before he finally found a job, and my stepfather just got laid off from a job that he held for almost 30 years. I am fortunate enough to have a part time job at a restaurant, where I work with a bunch of truly fantastic people. However, since I'm done with school and need some cash, I've been looking for a day job as well.

After having sent out 70+ resumes in the past 2 weeks, mostly for office work and retail clothing-folder positions, here is the only job for which I am qualified:

"Chatline" phone sex girl

I kid you not. Apparently, in 2009, a $90,000 degree only qualifies you for a job as a glorified prostitute. And to add to the ridiculousness of this situation, I didn't even apply for that job. In fact, I got a call for it because the guy who's hiring for it is a customer at the restaurant I work at. I shudder to think why he feels that I would be good at that. However, at $25 an hour it might be the best, and given my track record, the only, job offer I get in this economy. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Regardless, I wouldn't know how to go about such a job. Do they give you a script? I'm not the kind of gal who can freestyle these things. What if they do give you a script, and I get confused, or the pages get stuck together, and I end up talking about the completely wrong fetish? That is so the kind of Lucy-and-Ethel scenario that would happen to me.

Ugh. And I thought finishing college meant never having to ponder such career moves.....

Calling all men... and the women they've treated badly

As a lady in her early twenties in NYC who is not totally hideous, I've gone on my fair share of dates. I've also read my fair share of dating books. And seen a lot of chick flicks. And every episode of Sex and the City. And so, I can tell you that if there's anything, anything in the world that women want men to know, it is this:

Respect us enough to not DISAPPEAR when you no longer wish to see us. As the very wise Carrie Bradshaw once said, "Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation because, here's what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy."

Granted, it is more difficult to say this to someone you were in a relationship with, but in terms of respectfully discontinuing seeing someone you've just dated a few times, it should be much easier.

But lucky for you, this blogger is here to show you just how easy it can be. Listen up fellas, for my short list of 'break it to me gently" sayonaras:

1) "You're great, but I just don't think that we're right for each other."

2) "It was great getting to know you, but I don't think that this is going anywhere."

3) "I think that you're a fantastic person, but we're looking for different things out of a relationship."

4) "You're great, but we're just not compatible."

Note, none of these involve blatant lies (i.e.: "I'm joining the Peace Corps/military/priesthood"), although there might be some white lies in that you might not think that the girl in question is great and you may not have liked getting to know her. However, it is likely that you have not been on several dates with someone you cannot stand, and there are so many fabulous women out there that it is unlikely that the one you were seeing wasn't great. Sometimes two great people are not great for each other, and women understand this. So if you've been on a few dates but you're no longer interested, show the person you've been sharing dessert with (and definitely if you've also been sharing a bed with them) that you respect them enough to tell them that you no longer wish to see them. The world is a cruel enough place without being dumped-by-omission.

Now, for the ladies that have not received the respectful, face-to-face, or at least phone-to-phone dumping indicated above, here is some sage advice:

1) Clearly, the guy who vanishes, or gets someone else to break up with you, is an asshole and you don't want him back anyway. He didn't respect you enough to end your relationship/ datingship in the proper way. It's his loss, because you're obviously classier than he'll ever be.

2) In a recession, it is difficult to retail-therapy your way out of these situations. Although alcohol may be an affordable alternative, it is not the (complete) answer. Self-medication in these situations will only leave you with a hangover, impaired judgment, and a possibly bum liver. Therefore, these wallet friendly and healthier alternatives are the way to go:

• Eat Chocolate No, I'm not suggesting that you eat your feelings. But studies show that chocolate (in small quantities) can boost your mood, and that dark chocolate is chock-full of antioxidants. See, healthier and happier with minimal effort. (Ixnay the chocolate if you are allergic, diabetic, or unable to begin eating chocolate without consuming copious quantities. An emergency room visit/ill-fitting clothing is not the best revenge)
• Write in a journal The beauty of writing in a journal, particularly in the password-protected word processor kind, is that you can vent your honest feelings without being judged by others or served with a restraining order. It might make you feel better, and it might give you some perspective on the situation. -Bonus: After you're done writing it, you can tear up the paper into itty-bitty pieces so that no one can ever read it, and you can take out your anger on the paper. Also, it's less time-consuming than homicide. If it's an electronic journal, the same can be achieved by forcefully deleting what you wrote, like you're deleting him.
• Dress up! Sometimes looking good, even if only your cat will see you, is the best revenge. Looking shabby even on your couch doesn't improve your mood, particularly since there's always that nagging feeling that if only you'd been hotter, he wouldn't have skedaddled (p.s.: refer to point #1: if that is the case, he's not only a jerk, he's a shallow jerk and you're better off without him)
• Talk to your friends There's no point in having friends unless they are the variety that will listen to you talk about the jerk who broke your heart/ made you feel badly about yourself. Talk to them, that's what they're there for. If you can't talk to your friends, at least talk to your cat/dog/plant. Or therapist. Acknowledging your feelings out loud can help.
  
• Watch a movie/TV show/ Read Something Sometimes, distracting yourself from the problem at hand is the best medicine, so take advantage of the digital age and find something else to do. Nothing gives you perspective like watching a Lifetime movie in which the heroine is an amnesiac rape-victim suffering from a rare brain tumor.

Best of luck!