Job hunting in the '09

So, I know that I am hardly the only one on the job hunt these days. My father was unemployed for two months before he finally found a job, and my stepfather just got laid off from a job that he held for almost 30 years. I am fortunate enough to have a part time job at a restaurant, where I work with a bunch of truly fantastic people. However, since I'm done with school and need some cash, I've been looking for a day job as well.

After having sent out 70+ resumes in the past 2 weeks, mostly for office work and retail clothing-folder positions, here is the only job for which I am qualified:

"Chatline" phone sex girl

I kid you not. Apparently, in 2009, a $90,000 degree only qualifies you for a job as a glorified prostitute. And to add to the ridiculousness of this situation, I didn't even apply for that job. In fact, I got a call for it because the guy who's hiring for it is a customer at the restaurant I work at. I shudder to think why he feels that I would be good at that. However, at $25 an hour it might be the best, and given my track record, the only, job offer I get in this economy. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Regardless, I wouldn't know how to go about such a job. Do they give you a script? I'm not the kind of gal who can freestyle these things. What if they do give you a script, and I get confused, or the pages get stuck together, and I end up talking about the completely wrong fetish? That is so the kind of Lucy-and-Ethel scenario that would happen to me.

Ugh. And I thought finishing college meant never having to ponder such career moves.....

Calling all men... and the women they've treated badly

As a lady in her early twenties in NYC who is not totally hideous, I've gone on my fair share of dates. I've also read my fair share of dating books. And seen a lot of chick flicks. And every episode of Sex and the City. And so, I can tell you that if there's anything, anything in the world that women want men to know, it is this:

Respect us enough to not DISAPPEAR when you no longer wish to see us. As the very wise Carrie Bradshaw once said, "Call me crazy but, I think that, you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation because, here's what; Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy."

Granted, it is more difficult to say this to someone you were in a relationship with, but in terms of respectfully discontinuing seeing someone you've just dated a few times, it should be much easier.

But lucky for you, this blogger is here to show you just how easy it can be. Listen up fellas, for my short list of 'break it to me gently" sayonaras:

1) "You're great, but I just don't think that we're right for each other."

2) "It was great getting to know you, but I don't think that this is going anywhere."

3) "I think that you're a fantastic person, but we're looking for different things out of a relationship."

4) "You're great, but we're just not compatible."

Note, none of these involve blatant lies (i.e.: "I'm joining the Peace Corps/military/priesthood"), although there might be some white lies in that you might not think that the girl in question is great and you may not have liked getting to know her. However, it is likely that you have not been on several dates with someone you cannot stand, and there are so many fabulous women out there that it is unlikely that the one you were seeing wasn't great. Sometimes two great people are not great for each other, and women understand this. So if you've been on a few dates but you're no longer interested, show the person you've been sharing dessert with (and definitely if you've also been sharing a bed with them) that you respect them enough to tell them that you no longer wish to see them. The world is a cruel enough place without being dumped-by-omission.

Now, for the ladies that have not received the respectful, face-to-face, or at least phone-to-phone dumping indicated above, here is some sage advice:

1) Clearly, the guy who vanishes, or gets someone else to break up with you, is an asshole and you don't want him back anyway. He didn't respect you enough to end your relationship/ datingship in the proper way. It's his loss, because you're obviously classier than he'll ever be.

2) In a recession, it is difficult to retail-therapy your way out of these situations. Although alcohol may be an affordable alternative, it is not the (complete) answer. Self-medication in these situations will only leave you with a hangover, impaired judgment, and a possibly bum liver. Therefore, these wallet friendly and healthier alternatives are the way to go:

• Eat Chocolate No, I'm not suggesting that you eat your feelings. But studies show that chocolate (in small quantities) can boost your mood, and that dark chocolate is chock-full of antioxidants. See, healthier and happier with minimal effort. (Ixnay the chocolate if you are allergic, diabetic, or unable to begin eating chocolate without consuming copious quantities. An emergency room visit/ill-fitting clothing is not the best revenge)
• Write in a journal The beauty of writing in a journal, particularly in the password-protected word processor kind, is that you can vent your honest feelings without being judged by others or served with a restraining order. It might make you feel better, and it might give you some perspective on the situation. -Bonus: After you're done writing it, you can tear up the paper into itty-bitty pieces so that no one can ever read it, and you can take out your anger on the paper. Also, it's less time-consuming than homicide. If it's an electronic journal, the same can be achieved by forcefully deleting what you wrote, like you're deleting him.
• Dress up! Sometimes looking good, even if only your cat will see you, is the best revenge. Looking shabby even on your couch doesn't improve your mood, particularly since there's always that nagging feeling that if only you'd been hotter, he wouldn't have skedaddled (p.s.: refer to point #1: if that is the case, he's not only a jerk, he's a shallow jerk and you're better off without him)
• Talk to your friends There's no point in having friends unless they are the variety that will listen to you talk about the jerk who broke your heart/ made you feel badly about yourself. Talk to them, that's what they're there for. If you can't talk to your friends, at least talk to your cat/dog/plant. Or therapist. Acknowledging your feelings out loud can help.
  
• Watch a movie/TV show/ Read Something Sometimes, distracting yourself from the problem at hand is the best medicine, so take advantage of the digital age and find something else to do. Nothing gives you perspective like watching a Lifetime movie in which the heroine is an amnesiac rape-victim suffering from a rare brain tumor.

Best of luck!